human.

A popular response to young (and sometimes old) asexuals is to tell them that they will “grow out of it.” That it is “just a phase.” That “you can’t possibly know.”

I think that sexuality can be fluid. It can change (not you can change it, it can change). Maybe it is true that at some point I won’t be asexual any more. My sexual orientation today could be different from my sexual orientation when I am thirty, and the sexual orientation of a person at thirty, could very well be different from that same person at fifty. But does that really matter? Just because something might change doesn’t mean that whatever that something is should be treated as invalid. Who a person is at this very moment deserves respect. Who cares that they might be different later on? They are still human and deserve to be treated as such, not told that they are too young/immature to be aware of their own sexuality. And the response of “you can’t possibly know” is just infuriating. You can’t possibly know about your sexual orientation? Where’s the logic in that? I’m human, and I know.

People down here use the “grow out of it, just a phase, you’ll change your mind later, you can’t know” a lot when confronting atheists. I’ve gotten that quite a few times from both students and adults. “You might find god later.” Yes, I suppose I might. Is it likely, now that I have found His Noodliness, the great Flying Spaghetti Monster (may we all be touched by his noodly appendage), no, it is not. I am an atheist right now. And the people telling me these things were Christians at that moment. Both of us could conceivably change sides on the whole god vs. no god thing. Does that mean that I should tell my Christian classmates whenever they bring up god (which is a lot) that they are just going through a phase, and they’ll grow out of  their imaginary friend? No, everyone would agree that that would be extremely disrespectful to both them, and their religion. Why then is it okay to disrespect atheists in the same way? We are all human. We all deserve the same respect.

In a way though, the comments made to the asexual bother me more. Atheism is an idea, it is something you think. It is something that you can change. It is still a central part of how I identify, but asexuality is part of who I am. Telling me that I’ll grow out of nonbelief is irritating, and it hurts; but being told that a part of me is just a phase, that a part of me isn’t real, that a part of me doesn’t deserve respect, that a part of me is worth less than a part of somebody else, that a part of me is less human than a part of somebody else goes beyond irritating, it is dehumanizing.

And we are human.